Once was a boy

“Brett, when I go, lock this door and don’t open it for anyone unless you’re sure they’ve left and not come back. If anyone tries to get to Hayley, kill them,” said Alexa seriously.

Up until that point my seventeen-year-old foster sister’s life had been an amusing intrigue. A part-time resident, she lived with us during the school holidays when she came home from boarding school. This year that had increased to every weekend. But when she had spoken of her life, she had always told funny stories. Even the stories that were serious were recalled with a smile and a shrug. It was only now – now the reality of her life had collided with ours – that I realised what her smile had been hiding.

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

“Just what I said. I’m going with them to try and keep them away from here.”

“But they will —”

“Listen to me, Brett. You know what Leo wants. He doesn’t want me. She’s eleven. Do you think she’d understand or recover from that?” I shook my head and held Hayley tighter, remembering the sickening way that man had stroked Hayley’s cheek. “Take this.” Alexa pulled a knife out of her pocket. “Kill anyone who tries to hurt Hayley. And I mean it, Brett. Kill them.”

I took the knife, pulling the blade out of the handle. Something flickered in Alexa’s eyes. I might have called it pride, but that was absurd. How could she be proud of me for staying here while she risked her life for us. And I didn’t know if I could do as she asked. I was only fifteen. Killing was not something I had ever considered.

Alexa took a deep breath and walked out the door, her head hung. I wanted to do something – pull her back, keep her safe with us, but then I thought of my parents downstairs and what those three armed men could do to them. I waited a second, then locked the door. Alexa didn’t try to re-enter the room.

“Brett,” Hayley whimpered.

“Shhh,” I hissed urgently, even as I held her shaking body. My breaths were coming in short, sharps gasps. A thumping noise shuddered through the floor, clearing my eyes of the tears that had started to build. If they did not take Alexa’s decoy, they would be here in seconds, and the lock would not hold up against three solidly-built men.

I looked around Alexa’s room. It was heavily furnished; the room we had put all our unwanted stuff in. It seemed unfair now, but Alexa had only ever expressed thanks for all we had given her. However, in this moment, the clutter would be an advantage. Finding the most obvious hiding place, I worked backwards from there.

“Get in there and stay quiet,” I said in an urgent whisper, pushing Hayley into the hiding spot. “If they get in, I’ll hold them off and you run. Don’t do nothing til I say. When I say go, run and don’t look back. Okay? Don’t wait for me. Just run. Promise me.”

“I promise,” squeaked Hayley. I could see how brave she was trying to be, even as tears streamed down her face, and I knew she would do as I asked. She wasn’t the little girl she’d been an hour ago.

Making sure Hayley was out of sight, I moved towards the bed, standing near it and the closet. I tried to keep my eyes from flicking towards Hayley’s hiding spot. If they came, I couldn’t be the one to give her up. Yet it felt treasonous to be standing there, protecting nothing, as she cowered alone.

My heart beat a frantic rhythm in my ears. It made it impossible to determine if what I was hearing was in my head or frightening thumps from below. Perhaps they had not taken up Alexa’s offer. Maybe Hayley was they only one they wanted. Alexa and my parents would all stand in their way, but that could just result in a trail of bodies up to Alexa’s room. And if I failed to stop them from getting to Hayley, her body would eventually join ours – but not before they —

The banging noises were too loud to mistake for the thumps of my heart. My legs began to shake so much I had to grab them. Though my mind was clear, my body was acting of its own accord, weakening right when I needed to be strong. Pounding feet trekked up the stairs. A door opened down the hall. My room. Someone was searching it. My eyes flicked towards Hayley. Her terrified face was peaking out at me.

“Promise me,” I gasped.

Hayley was shaking so much she couldn’t even nod, but she moved back out of sight as I gripped the knife tight and held it out in front of me. Another set of footsteps charged towards us. They were searching, but Alexa’s room was the last along the hallway – the last room they would reach.

The doorknob shook violently. My stomach lurched and I had to swallow the vomit that rose in my throat.

“Brett!”

Tears formed in my eyes as a body slammed against the door. It held, but only just.

“Brett! Are you in there?” cried my father, panic in his voice. “Where’s Hayley? Let me in?”

“No!” I screamed.

“They’re not here,” gasped my father.

“I don’t believe you,” I cried, hearing his fear. “I’m not letting anyone get her!”

I waited for a response. A scream of pain. Another attempt to break down the door. There was nothing. Only silence. Not even the sound of footsteps retreating. I moved forward before quickly stepping back. It had to be a trap.

There was no telling how long the silence lasted, but the sound of feet returning was like canon fire. They stopped outside the door. I tried to get my breathing under control. There was a soft tap on the door.

“Brett,” said a calm, male voice. He sounded older than any of the three men who had burst into our house. “I’m a police officer. Your attackers have gone. You’re safe now. No one’s going to hurt your sister.”

My legs buckled. I was sobbing. I turned my head to Hayley’s hiding spot. She had not moved one inch to reveal herself. It helped me pull myself together. I had Alexa’s instructions and I wouldn’t be tricked now.

“Prove it!” I screamed, again tightening my grip on the knife that was still held out in front of me.

A police badge slid under the door. It looked real and seemed too elaborate for the violent men who had destroyed Hayley’s birthday celebrations, and yet I still couldn’t believe it was safe.

“When I unlock the door, don’t open it til I say so,” I ordered.

The man on the other side of the door readily agreed, making me again fear it was a trap. I slid my feet along the carpeted floor, desperate not to make a sound. When I looked at the lock I realised I wouldn’t be able to unlock it without them hearing. If it was an ambush, they would be on top of me in an instant.

“You try coming in before I say okay and you’ll end up with a knife in your chest,” I cried.

“No one’s moving until you say it’s okay,” replied the calm man.

I moved to the edge of the door, ready to strike if anyone moved, and unlocked the door.

Nothing happened.

I started sliding back to my position. With one last look at Hayley’s hiding place, I gave permission for the door to open. It swung slowly. A man in his fifties, dressed in a police uniform, walked slowly into the room with his hands raised. I didn’t drop my knife. My father stepped forward, but stayed behind the officer. There was blood near his mouth and one side of his face was heavily bruised.

“They’re gone, Brett,” said my dad, his voice broken.

When our eyes met, I finally nodded, but I would not trust anyone but him. “Move away from the door,” I called to the officer. He moved immediately, but in the direction of Hayley. “No!” I cried. “Over there!”

The officer moved to where I pointed. My dad stood in the doorway and called for Hayley, but Hayley didn’t emerge from her hiding spot.

“Go, Hales. Run to Dad,” I commanded.

Everyone’s eyes moved away from me and towards the noise on the other side of the room. My dad turned just in time to catch Hayley as she rushed into his arms, sobbing and shaking.

“You’re okay now, son.”

The officer’s presence by my side took me by surprise. My knife swung around towards him. He stepped back, his hand shifting towards his gun.

“Brett,” said my father warningly.

“I’m going to need you to give me that knife, son,” said the officer seriously. “I don’t want to hurt you, but you need to give me the knife.”

“No,” I replied, tears slipping down my cheeks. There was only one person I would give the knife to.

“Please, Brett,” said my father desperately.

“I can’t trust them,” I gasped.

“What can I do to change that?” asked the officer. His hand moved away from his gun and back up in the air.

“It’s Alexa’s knife. I can’t – she gave – to protect —”

“What if you put the blade down?” said the officer. “It folds into the handle, right? Can you do that?”

“No one goes near Hayley,” I commanded. “No men. Just me and my dad.”

“You have my word.”

Despite Hayley’s age and weight, my father picked her up and motioned for me to follow. I nodded and folded the blade of the knife into the handle, pushing it into my pocket before the officer could take it off me. We walked downstairs and I saw my mother for the first time. She looked dishevelled, her eyes wild as she paced the lounge room.

“I don’t understand. How can you have no leads!” she cried. “Alexa took money out of our accounts. You know where. You know when. That’s why we gave her the cards – so you could trace her. How can you have no information on who she is with – who those men are.”

“The cameras on the ATM weren’t working,” said one of the many officers crowding the lounge room. “But we trying to track down as much CCTV footage as possible. We will find her.”

“Before or after they tear her up?” I asked bitterly.

“Oh, Brett!” cried my mother, rushing towards me. “Sweetie, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

“For what?” I spat angrily, pulling out of her hysterical embrace.

“You protected your sister, son,” said the calm officer.

“None of us protected Hayley!” I screamed. “I did nothing but cower behind a locked door with a knife while Alexa offered herself up as bait.”

“That still took a lot of courage,” continued to officer, his calm voice starting to irritate me.

“Was it courage when we all just stood here? When they burst in here and went for Hayley, none of us moved. It was Alexa who stood between that Leo guy and Hayley. We didn’t even step in to protect her when he hit her,” I gasped, choking on my guilt.

“They threatened to hurt your mum,” said my dad.

I couldn’t tell if he sounded guilty or apologetic, but either way it sounded pathetic to me.

“She’s going to die and we just let it happen,” I replied accusingly.

“We know, Brett,” nodded my mother, her hysteria gone. “We know. And we’re going to feel the guilt of that for the rest of our lives.”

I fell back into my mother’s arms and sobbed, granting myself this one last moment of boyhood. I would never be this weak again. Come heaven or hell, I would be the one who stood between the violence and the vulnerable.